On Being Present

The universe has a funny way of repeating messages it wants you to hear. A few weeks ago, an EWB colleague lent me a book called “Presence: Human Purpose and the Field of the Future.” I devoured it. Since then, I’ve had several different conversations with friends, family, and my coach about how I’ve struggled with my own attempts to be fully present  in Ghana. Presence (and the things that get in the way of it) became a focal point of our free-flow ‘life chat’ with the EWB team in Tamale on Monday. Just this morning, I opened my email to see a Coaching Tip of the Week from Laura McGrath (guest written by Jen Degen) about — you guessed it — presence.

Jen’s piece reminds us of the clarity we gain when we choose to be present in the world around us. She talks about tuning in to what’s happening at this very moment and reminds us that this is the space in which where we learn what truly matters most. Jen included one quote that I think is worth sharing here:

Drink your tea slowly and reverently, as if it is the axis on which the whole earth revolves – slowly, evenly, without rushing towards the future. Live the actual moment.            ~ Thich Nhat Hahn

I suppose I should explain what I mean when I say that I’ve struggled with remaining present during my placement in Ghana. I’m certainly ‘present’ in the physical sense — I’m sitting in an NGO office in Nyankpala town, very much present in this place. Where I feel I often fall short is in staying present mentally and emotionally.

I’ve blogged before about feeling like I’m an ‘extrovert turned introvert’ in Ghana — at times feeling a pull towards reclusiveness instead of integration. Choosing to do just a few more hours of work or send just a few more emails after dinner instead of sitting out front of the compound with the family is a choice that does not value the present. I’m not taking full advantage of the chance I’ve been given to truly embed myself in a culture and place that is phenomenally different from the one I know best. A colleague of mine, Erin Antcliffe, said it well when she said, ”really, being present should be part of the EWB job description.”

Now that I’ve reached the half-way point of my time overseas (scary thought) I’m experiencing a different sense of conflict that also calls to mind this issue of presence. I want to make the most of my last few months, but am also starting to feel the pressure of deciding what will come next. Rather than focusing on the now, the today, the present, I’m looking ahead towards January, and the scary world of (f)unemployment. What will I do when I get home? Where will I put all this energy and knowledge I’ve gained in Ghana to work in Canada? What’s next? How can I possibly remain present in my Professional Fellowship if my energy is focused on planning my next step?

Jen’s Coaching Tip this morning was important for me because it reaffirmed the fact that ‘being present’ is weighing heavily on me now. It also gave me a few things to reflect on, and two activities to experiment with which might help me find the ‘presence’ i’m searching for. She asks us to think about what might be waiting for us if we slow down and focus on being present in this moment alone, and to think about what we want to savour in this very moment. Worthwhile reflections for someone who is clearly distracted by things happening outside the “now”.

For me, slowing down and being present will mean pushing the “pause button” on these panicked thoughts about what’s next. It will mean paying attention to the “physical [and social] geography” of this place — what it’s like, what sort of energy I’ve getting from it and giving back to it, and what I feel most intrigued by in it. It will mean making a conscious effort to add “presence” to my job description, and keep it at the forefront of my mind over the next 9 weeks.

We’re about to leave for the EWB West Africa Retreat (WAR) in Bolga, Ghana. There, the Public Sector Agriculture, AVC, and ERA teams from across Ghana and Burkina Faso will meet to exchange ideas, learn from one another, and hopefully relax together. We’ll even be celebrating Thanksgiving together — with turkey and all the fixins’! It’s my personal goal to use the WAR (and the AVC team meeting immediately afterwards) to really focus my reflections and appreciate the importance of presence in this experience.

I hope to come back to Nyankpala with a determination for be present at every twist and turn. I want to choose interaction over solitude, new experiences over familiar ones, and the now over the tomorrow. If I can manage to do that successfully, I know I’ll be able to make the second half of my placement even more rich and personally fulfilling than this first half has been.

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